The Anastasia Chronicles: Holy Ghosted

Some stories are inspired by real experiences. Some are fictional. Some are a little bit of both. Names, circumstances, conversations, and details may be changed. What matters is the truth found somewhere inside the story.

"Thank God I loc’d my hair during Covid," Ana thought to herself while getting dressed. In her mind, locking her hair was one of the most important decisions she had ever made. Not only was it convenient, but it complimented her somewhat rebellious personality. Her locs were long and lush, sweeping just below the nape of her neck.

Anastasia was getting ready for her first day on the job. She had already laid out her clothes the night before: a cute kelly green cardigan over a casual, flowy white linen dress that hit just below the knee, paired with her black Converse.

"Right up my alley," she stated, pulling the cardigan over her shoulders as she looked in the master bathroom mirror.

Anastasia had been hired as the Community Center Youth Liaison at a local, slightly urban community center just five minutes away from her home.

"Kids, are you dressed?" she yelled from her bathroom.

Her son answered back from the foyer. "I’m ready already—just waiting on you guys." He had his headphones in, listening to music with his backpack over his shoulder looking down at his phone...waiting patiently.

Micah was his name. Micah was a precocious high school senior, coming into his own. He was still trying to curate his style, but he was settling into his personality quite nicely—way past the awkward middle school phase. Micah was coming out of his shell, one of those kids who doesn’t have to try hard to be cool. He just was. People were naturally drawn to him and his chill down to earth demeanor. Most people thought he was quiet until they took the time to get to know him. He was a young man with a strong sense of discernment—an ability all three of Anastasia’s kids naturally possessed naturally...she noticed this more and more as they morphed into young adults.

Micah wasn’t one of those kids who wanted to be in the "in-crowd"; he allowed the crowd to come to him. He understood from a young age that he was the main character who does the picking and choosing of friendships, but in a sweet, humble way. Micah was a tough cookie to crack and didn't just befriend anyone. You could say his parents taught him those boundaries, but he just naturally had that ability—it was simply in him. He had one of those serious expressions that made him appear unapproachable, but that was just his resting face. Once you got to know him and he let you into his world, you found out he was down to earth goofball. But he was never looking for acceptance. He accepted himself with all imperfections right where he was...something most teenagers have a hard time doing.

Rowan , the youngest of the three, was of course still in her bedroom getting ready while listening to music. She sat at her vanity, taking her time as if it weren't a school morning—cleansing her face, applying lip gloss, and inserting her nose ring...

"I’M ALMOST DONE!" Rowan yelled out while spraying Yara all around herself.

Anastasia walked briskly down the hallway of their flat toward the kitchen to pour coffee into her travel mug. "It’s my first day, guys, so we need to put a move on it!"

Micah sat on the foyer bench, listening to his music, looking completely put together. Anastasia took a sip of her coffee and threw a bottle of water into her bag, along with her Bible and a myriad of "just-in-case-you-need-it" items. It was a beautiful day; the sunshine peeked softly through the plantation blinds.

"Micah, can you do me a favor and feed Jasper for me?"

Jasper had been meowing at Anastasia and following her every step, causing her to almost stumble over him more than once. Jasper eventually trotted over and sat at Micah’s feet near the doorway, practically screaming for his attention to be fed.

"Yeah, I got it," Micah replied. It was never a problem for him to help his mom. Micah was not the type of kid to talk back or be disrespectful; he was a good kid—not perfect, but very understanding and cooperative.

Anastasia finally got herself together, grabbed her bags lunchbox and coffee mug by the handles, yelling down the hallway toward Rowan's room, "FIVE MINUTES Ro!"

"Okayyy, here I come!" Rowan responded.

Rowan came walking down the hallway ever so nonchalantly seven minutes later...like she's the main character and we're just the extras in her story..."I’M READY!"

Anastasia noticed Rowan's hair immediately. "You dyed your hair again?"

"Yes," Rowan said. "That’s why I was up so late last night."

"It looks good," Anastasia admitted.

"Thank you!" Rowan said, admiring herself in the foyer mirror.

Rowan was a bold, fiery "little boss"—the youngest, but carrying those sassy-yet-sweet little sister vibes. She could give her big brother and sister absolute hell, but watch out if anyone else tried it—she would come for you. A social butterfly, but at the same time, not trying to be cool or overly mixy with just anyone. Like Micah, she didnt judgmentally suffer fools, and you had to measure up for her to give you the title of "friend"—a title she took seriously. Rowan was fiercely protective of her family.

All three headed out the door, jumped in the car, and took the short five-minute drive up the street. Ana dropped them off at school.

"Bye kids! I love you, have a good day! Be a blessing to someone today... and remember, be a leader, not a follower!"

They both looked back, smirked...slightly embarassed, kept walking. "Bye, Mommy," they both said as they disappeared into the crowd of teens walking to class and waved goodbye.

Now, to give you an idea of the headspace Ana was in: her focus at this point was on herself and her kids only. She was not interested in a relationship. She had recently been let go from a really good-paying job, so her sole priority was trying to get back on her feet financially and figure out how she was going to make rent with it being 2 months behind. A relationship was not the answer for the dilemmas she faced. God was...and she knew this. Her relationship with Him was something she was taking very seriously...she could tell it was no longer a phase but a new way of life...learning God's will about her life and carrying it out in her day to day life.

In her mind.. He was someone she genuinely considered her best friend in male form. While she was still working at her previous job, Anastasia received a chime on her phone—one she didn't get often. Now that Ana was taking her walk with God seriously she noticed how unusually dry her phone was. The notification sounded like Facebook Messenger. It was.

"Who is this?" she thought.

Ana unlocked her phone and read the message. None other than Rotimi Bankole.

Her heart began to race before she even read the full message. Why is he texting me? she thought. They hadn't spoken to each other in years.

About three years prior, Rotimi and Anastasia were making plans to marry each other. Yes, they started off as friends, but it quickly turned romantic after some time apart. Rotimi took Anastasia to a local, very romantic, and low-key Japanese restaurant and proposed to her. She had no clue he was planning to—Anastasia was hard to surprise, as she was a very observant and inquisitive person, but somehow he pulled it off.

Anastasia said yes, and from there, they planned to elope without telling family—a quiet, quaint ceremony at a small winery nearby. But things took a rocky turn right after the engagement, and it fell apart at the seams for multiple reason I wont go into...neither innocent...neither ready for a life long commitment of marriage. Looking back on it, Ana saw it as His way of intervening, keeping it from occurring when both of them were making a decision they knew deep down they weren't ready for. In Ana's mind, the Higher Power knew and intercepted it. Both had been married and divorced before, and it would have been a second marriage and divorce had He not stepped in. Looking back, Ana was relieved by the way it played out, even though at the time it was deeply painful to break up with someone she considered her best friend in male form.

She wrote back, "Who's this?"

He texted back, "Hey Ana... it's Rotimi."

"Rotimi who?" she shot back....she knew who it was but wanted to make sure it wasn't someone playing on her phone.

He replied, "Rotimi Bankole. It's me, Ana. When will you have some free time? Are you available today? I'm looking forward to seeing you... let's catch up..my treat."

Long story short, Ana hung out with him that night. To say Rotimi and Ana had history was an understatement. She still had mad love for him, but she was finally in a place where she wasn't longing for him anymore, completely unattached uninterested and unbothered....yet looking forward to seeing him.

Rotimi and Ana used to go together like peanut butter and jelly. They started out as friends, took a break, and reunited as lovers out of the blue. They were like kids on God's playground—having a good time together, listening and dancing to afrobeat music, and eating Nigerian food day in and day out.. In fact,,,He cooked African-inspired meals for her a lot and introduced her to Afrobeats.

Once Ana sitting in his kitchen while he cooked Rotimi looked over to her and said...ya know...you're going to learn to cook Nigerian food one day he said with a smile.... "Come here, let me show you." Ana got up and payed attention to Rotimi preparing the chicken and cutting plantains and the like...

Rotimi immersed Ana in his culture completely, and she loved every bit of it. Watching Netflix together... he had his own place, she had hers, but somehow they lived at each other's houses...no more than 10 minutes apart. She left things at his place, he left stuff at hers. Rotimi loved Ana's kids, and it felt very natural—not forced at all. Ana's kids were very comfortable with Rotimi, which was something Ana couldn't help but notice, as they didn't take to just anybody. Rotimi was the only one she would ever consider spinning the block with.

On the way to the restaurant while driving Ana spoke aloud to Him "Lord, is this you? Are you in this?"

Dead Silence.

She was nervous as she pulled up to the restaurant...and no later than 5 seconds Rotimi pulled up right beside her..surprised and caught off guard. they looked over at each other and smiled. "What are the chances?" Ana said aloud to herself...she didn't know what kind of car he was driving and vice versa. Weird...she thought.

They both got out the car and embraced one another.

They sat in a booth...had small talk and reminisced about the good ole days when they were together....Do you remember Memorial Day when we went to that underground reggae club Ana asked...how could i forget Rotimi replied...easily one of the best nights of my life...Ana agreed. It appeared they were both ready to pickup where they left off but the conversation was getting read to come to a screetching halt in 3...2...1...

Rotimi looked at Anastasia and said, "Ana, I have to tell you something."

She layed her fork down on the plate as if she lost her appetite..."What?" she asked knowing the other shoe getting ready to drop...any second now.

Ana’s heart sank. She had secretly wondered if this meeting might lead to rekindling their relationship...like they had both matured and were ready to settle down and be serious, but then came the bomb.

"I live with my ex—the mother of my kids," Rotimi stated. "She stays upstairs, and I stay down in the finished basement." but there is nothing going on....at all...we're not together Ana.

Ana glanced away. Right then and there, she knew this was going nowhere. She wanted this "date" slash reunion...whatever this was to end right then so as not to waste his time or hers.

"We’re not together, though," Rotimi added. "Everyone thinks we are."

Ana responded casually, "Who is 'everyone'? Like... other girls you’ve been dating?"

"Yes," he said. Rotimi was always open and honest with Ana for the most part...he was one of those guys that had no problem telling the truth..... "I’ve met a few women online, but as soon as they find out I live with my ex, they stop talking to me."

So you called me, Ana thought to herself. I can see why they would think that. I mean...

Ana paused, keeping her thoughts to herself.

"I don't care what people think," Rotimi insisted. "I'm not moving. It works for us."

Check, please, Ana thought. She stared at him blankly, not even trying to convince him or change his mind.

"I don't believe in marriage anymore," Rotimi said.

Ana’s heart sank even further. Yeah... I’m done here, she thought, yet she continued playing it cool, calm, and collected. Dang, that’s crazy was all she could summon up aloud.

Rotimi had done well for himself; he lived in a nice neighborhood with his two daughters and, apparently, his baby mama upstairs. Whether Rotimi hadn't caught the vibe that Ana was completely turned off by this whole meetup, or he did and just didn't care, she couldn't tell.

Rotimi asked Ana, "So, what else has been up with you? You seem different."

If he only knew, Ana thought.

"Well, it's funny you say that because I usually don't go around telling people this, but... I rededicated my life to God. I'm living for Him for real, for real. I actually had a divine encounter with Him—something that felt like face-to-face with God without seeing His face, but He was there. I'm serious."

Rotimi replied, "I believe you, and I think that's awesome. Ana, you used to be wild and crazy... you've calmed down a lot." Rotimi kept looking at her like he was trying to find even a glimpse of the old Ana, but couldn't.

"I'm proud of you, Ana. Me, myself... I think I maybe struggling with depression....not sure...I'm thinking about going to see a counselor... just feels like something is missing. I've done well for myself here in the States. I have two beautiful kids, but I'm not fulfilled. I barely hang out with the boys. Life just feels so... different these days."

Ana discerned in that exact moment the real reason Rotimi was calling her: the old dopamine hit. She had never seen Rotimi down and out—deflated and somewhat lifeless. It was as if he had called her just to dump his heavy feelings, hang out, have a few drinks, and get right back on the merry-go-round pattern.

She wasn't having it.

She knew Rotimi meant well... or did he? Either way, she was no longer the same person she was during their engagement. She was far from perfect, but she was definitely transforming into a version of herself she had never been—trying to do right in the eyes of her Creator and live a life truly surrendered to Him.

Ana already knew the answer: she had to separate herself from Rotimi. She didn't want to, but she knew it was best for both of them. These thoughts she kept to herself... for now. Deep down, she wanted Rotimi to come to know God for himself, not because she was trying to force it on him.

"So, where do you want to go next? What do you want to do? My treat," he said. "Anything you want."...he said...as if he hadn't just dropped this bomb on her.

Next? Ana thought...there is no next.

Ana was mentally drained and ready to go home at that point, but she entertained him. "I don't care. Whatever you want... just.... not a club, please. Honestly, I just want to chill."

Rotimi said, "Alright, cool."

He got in the car and began to drive—speeding down the street. Ana had been in a full-blown relationship with him in the past and had never seen him drive this fast.

"SLOW DOWN! Why are you speeding?!" mashing her right foot into the floor of the car like a break pedal was there.

Rotimi looked over at her in the passenger seat and sheepishly smiled. "You scared?"

5 minutes into the ride....there was dead silence...well besides the radio turned down low....Rotimi looked over at Anastasia who was intentionally looking out her own window...recalling the conversation they just had...

"Whats wrong?"....you're quiet Rotimi asked.

Nothing...i'm just tired Ana answered... "i know you Ana... and I know when something is on your mind."

They pulled up to his friend's apartment on the west side of town, got out, and went inside.

"Do you want something to drink?" Rotimi asked.

"No, thanks," Ana stated.

This aint that type of party...she thought to herself.

Rotimi sat on the couch. Ana plopped down at the far end—as far away from him as possible.

"So, what else has been up with you?" she asked.

They enjoyed small talk for a few minutes before he looked at her with a serious expression. "Come here."

Ana shot back, "You come here."

Rotimi rolled his eyes before starting to shift over. Realizing she was being a bit stubborn, Ana immediately gave in and moved closer to him, throwing her right arm over his torso as if she were hugging a teddy bear...she let her guard down...but only for a few minutes. Rotimi had put on a few pounds, but it looked so good on him—Ana didn't mind a fluffy man. She gently rubbed his belly in circles with her right hand while laying on his chest. Rotimi pulled her in with his right arm around her... looked down at her and kissed her on the forehead. Butterflies she felt in her belly...forgetting about the conversation she had momentarily.

They sat in silence—no TV, no phones, just holding each other for a while...like old times. It was as if they were both communicating how much they missed moments like 'this' with one another. Neither had to say it; it was understood.

Ana, almost falling asleep, suddenly jolted up as the realization hit her: she was restarting a situationship cycle. She jumped up from the couch.

"Uhh...I gotta go before I fall asleep."

Rotimi looked up at her from the couch. He understood, but he didn't try to change her mind, though disappointment was written all over his face. Ana had her mind made up—she was not going to be intimate with him. She stuck to her guns and he knew it.

"Let me walk you out," he said.

Rotimi walked her down to her car and opened her door. She got in and rolled down the window.

"Don't drive anywhere else tonight," she said, knowing he had a couple of drinks.

"Okay, Mom," he replied, giving her a sheepish grin...looking Ana dead in the eyes. he said. "When will I see you again?"

Ana shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't know...but she was thinking...not anytime soon. She knew the answer but would not say.

"Keep in touch," he said.

Ana drove home with a bittersweet feeling in her chest, but her resolve was steady. She knew she wasn't going to keep this nonsense going.

STILL LIVES WITH HIS BABY MAMA AND DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE?! she thought to herself as the night air hit her face. Who is this guy? And why is he reaching out to me? What am I... the homie?

It had been almost a month sense they had spoken and honestly Ana was glad that Rotimi had taken the hint that she wasn't interested in his circus...she sat outdoors on her balcony having a glass of red wine...listening to music wondering how she would pay her rent.....the phone rang....

Ana looked down at her phone...it read Rotimi... "omggg whyyy?!"

To be honest she had mixed feelings...hoping he had come to his senses and would pour out his undying love of commitment and devotion to her....yeah right she thought.

It had been almost a month since they had spoken, and honestly, Ana was glad that Rotimi had taken the hint—she wasn't interested in his circus.

When his name flashed on the screen, her first instinct was to ignore it. But right at the last second, she heard a clear inner whisper: "Set a boundary."

Ana knew that wasn't her own idea, because the old version of her wanted to rise up, run away with him, and just have fun. But she had grown leaps and bounds in her day-to-day walk with the Higher Power. She picked up—this time with real intention.

"Hello?" she said, her tone flat, attempting to make it clear she wasn't particularly thrilled to hear from him when she was.

"Anaaa... it's Rotimi."

His rich Nigerian accent carried that familiar, upbeat tone. Rotimi always sounded like life was one big party.

Ana was ready to shut this whole thing down, fast, for her own sanity. "Rotimi, why are you calling me?" she said softly.

"You said we could be friends," Rotimi countered.

"Yes—the kind of friends who wish each other well from a distance without holding grudges," Ana stated, her voice even and calm. "Rotimi, I care about you, but we have far too much history to keep dancing in this circle. It’s not a good season for me, and I have zero desire to rehash the past. It’s best we just let sleeping dogs lie."

A heavy silence stretched across the line before Rotimi finally spoke. "I understand..."

They hung up, and the silence stayed. They hadn't spoken since.

Ana turned her full focus back to rebuilding her life. She refused to show up in any future relationship empty-handed; she was determined to build her own foundation. She needed to know that if she ever had to walk away from a situation, she could stand on her own two feet and cover her children without hesitation. Being mere arm candy, relying on a man financially, or falling into the trap of being a glorified friend-with-benefits had never served her soul—and it certainly hadn't gotten her where she wanted to be. She was done giving anyone that kind of authority over her destiny.

She wasn't closing a door out of anger—she was locking it out of self-respect.

The old Ana would have settled for a seat at his table, but the new Ana was letting God build her own.

"Please, Lord, don't let me find a single soul attractive in this building," she whispered under her breath. She meant it, too.

"God, I only want to focus on what You're doing in my life and the purpose You have for me at this organization. I’ve never worked with kids before, and I honestly don't understand why You placed me here—but I'm willing to learn. I’m not afraid, and I refuse to back down from a challenge. Show me how to execute this assignment with excellence. Amen."

Stepping out of the car, she smoothed down her kelly green cardigan, took a breath, and walked through the double doors.

"Hello," she said to the receptionist with a warm, confident smile. "My name is Anastasia Blair, and I'm here for my first day."

~ Written by Tashia L. McLayea